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|Monday, November 12th, 2001|
|Tuesday, October 16th, 2001|
Let me just begin by saying that I really do hate using my journal to report such upsetting and depressing aspects of my life. But I guess in some ways it's a release to be able to write about some of these things..... Trust me, just like everybody else I wish that my life ran smoothly and I didn't have to whine, bitch, moan, or throw a pity party for myself. However, answers to problems in life are not always easy to come by.... especially when you start to feel yourself becoming isolated due to progressive difficulties and problems.
Hmmm.... where to begin? You can't even begin to imagine how big my plate on the table is. First off I am taking 18 units here at the UofA.... most of which are classes that require alot of outside work. For instance, Retail 215 & 384 classes and my Business Writing class require me to take part in a lengthy time consuming group project. Retail 215 requires my group to put together an extensive theoretical marketing package for a company called Stefanel. Retail 384 requires a leadership project which will provide online marketing strategies for a new businesses here in Tucson...... Then in my business writing class my group is putting together a lengthy proposal and presentation for the Financial Aid Department here at school recommending an improved online loan claiming system...... and for this project in particular I have been doing all the work...... I could very well say to the rest of the group to get their shit together, but its obvious to me that they don't care regardless....same goes for all the other groups I am involved with. And I can't let that prevent me from getting a good grade so I just have to do what I have to do - which is to bear the burden of doing most of the work....... shit I had already written the rough draft of the proposal and also conducted interviews with the Financial Aid staff all on my own.... none of the group members have even thought to perform any functions helpful to the group....
Next up..... I am having huge GIGANTIC money problems.... and in trying to help solve this I recently have become involved with 3 of my other friends to promote this bar called Rusty's.... I think I might have mentioned it before once in my journal..... but the difference now is that it looks like it may happen. Dan, one of the guys in our promotions team, was at Rusty's last Friday when one of the managers recognized him from an earlier visit we paid to pitch our promotion idea. The guy ended up sliding him the head manager's phone number and told him to call him on Monday to get things rolling. Of course Dan and his buddy Adam(another guy in our group) decided that they'd rather play golf that day and no call was made..... Man what fuckin idiots.... blowing perfect opportunity.... so I snatched the number from them and now I am going to take care of it. I can't even begin to stress how badly I need the money if this thing goes thru. And from what some of the bartenders were telling me, the head manager is a No Bullshit kind of guy.... he wants to be informed of everything, he wants to know all the risks involved, and he wants us to have a detailed plan as to what we're setting out to do with his bar. So again, looks like its going to be up to me to draft a proposal for this guy.... one which I've basically already started doing.
Let's see.... add to that bar promotion I am trying to run, I also recently became a campus rep for StudentCity.com putting together spring break packages for people...... Yet another thing I need so badly to happen..... to this point I can honestly say that there's no way in hell I will be able to join my best friends for the last spring break of my college career unless I get these packages sold. If I sell 15 of them combined (for any of the destinations such as Mazatlan, Cancun, Jamaica, the Bahamas) I get a free trip.... if I sell 32 of them I get my free trip plus $680 in commissions to use as spending money.... if I sell 100 I get a free trip plus $3840 in commissions..... and there's really no risk..... I don't pay anything...... they hook me up with all the personalized flyers and brochures I need...... and trust me this spring break travel company comes highly recommended.... recently 3 of the top 5 tour groups merged with them, making it the most guarenteed and money backed one in the business.... But it's going to be so time consuming..... I mean yes it shouldn't be hard to get 15 people minimum here at a school of 35,000 .... but I have to get the flyers out there, I have to promote to all the organizations and fraternities/sororities, email and contact all my other aquaintences...... Can you say time consuming? Indeed....
Above all, as I mentioned before my money problems are the biggest of them all....and I think that's where the root of all these problems(at least most of them) exist. At this moment in time I have $120 to my name...... And lemme just tell you that the idea of my parents giving me any spending money is ridiculous.... at least that's how my mother makes it out to be..... shit I dread calling them at all for any kind of money whether it be for groceries or school supplies, almost to the point where it has now become an anxiety problem. Well why don't you get a job Jeremy? shit..... take into account my 18 units(six classes), promoting a bar, promoting spring break(so I save myself over $1,200) and also try to juggle the last 9 months of my college career with my best buds and you will see just how difficult it becomes..... It scares me to think that I just might have to take a job and say goodbye to my friends for a majority of the year because I just won't have time to do anything with them between my schooling and promotional activities. Check that.... it frightens me to all hell.... I don't want to have to give up my friends.... not at any cost.... yet at the same time I don't even have enough money to be able to do anything with them....... I've done a pretty damn good job of making $600 last since the start of the school year..... taking into consideration two bar nights a week, eating out at restaurants, and various other little fun things..... I've managed to limit myself to between $20-$30 a weekend(with weekends starting on Thursday night). I have truley become a penny pincher....
But it's this notion of a penny pincher which upsets me to the fullest.... I get sick to my stomach thinking about and looking around and seeing things I just cannot do...... It's amazing to me to see how many students here drive unbelievable cars..... how many of them spend money with no problem or second thoughts..... I do not lie.... there are too many privileged kids for me to deal with.... because it makes me look badly at my own situation..... OK my car, which isn't really my car at all (it was handed down to me after my sister got her new one), is starting to turn to shit.... the brakes are going and I can already sense there's a valve problem in the transmission. I can tell because I had the same problem with my previous car and the price the mechanic told me to fix that one was $2400...... because they'd have to go in and disassemble the transmission in order to get to the valve.
No wait....trust me, there's more.... I've been living in the same gear(clothes) for God knows how long now, with the exception of a few new shirts here and there..... I can't begin to stress how much this upsets me too..... the fact that I have to do laundry far more often than the average person here because I honestly just cannot afford to go out and get new gear..... and seeing all these new clothes while I am at the mall with my friends is killing me.... just killing me..... People at the bars dressed to kill..... and here I am trying to get more and more innovative with clothes I've played out....... Can I just say that I only own 3 pairs of jeans which get worked into my rotation... couple that with the fact that I almost never wear shorts(because I don't have very many of those either) and you can see just how badly I need new pants.
Ummm, as some of you might know I work out quite a bit.... Working out requires a person to make sure they maintain a healthy diet and in my case getting 4 to 5 quality meals a day..... That's not the case with me right now.... I think I get in about 3 meals a day .... nowhere near the quality it takes to reach my goal of gaining 10 pounds by spring break.... and trust me with my metabolism that's no easy task..... There are times when my stomach is begging for another meal and I'm on campus or out on the road..... but I just cannot afford to go and waste $5 here, $7 there at random places to pick up a quick bite to it....... In terms of food at home I had to conserve my grocery spending to just essential things so I am constantly rotating between pasta, chicken, turkey sandwiches, and my protein shakes..... can you imagine the redundancy of only being able to eat those things?
My room is a fuckin mess and is so indicative of how things are going to get for me if I don't get something squared away..... Oh and to top it all off I come home to the most irritating and dysfunction household ever for me...... You see I live with this guy Jared and his girlfriend Denny.... last year after my original plans fell through to live with my best friends(something which to this day I am still not happy about) and Jared was searching for a roomate for him and Denny.... they had already signed leases here at Star Ranch for a 4 bedroom, but they needed at least 3/4th's of the apartment full to be able to keep it....so that's where I came in.... originally they told me that they like it quiet sometimes and they do take care of their studying.... I was ok with all that....didn't seem to overwhelming to me.... but OH NO.... you can't even imagine the depressing environment I live in..... I come home at say 8pm at night and all the lights are off....the porch light is off.... air conditioning is not allowed on.... and they're tucked away nicely in one of their rooms doing whatever the hell it is those fags do and I go up to my room and remain there for the rest of the night..... At one point I got into an argument with Denny informing her how there are 24 hours in a day and I only ask 1 hour for me to be able to have the air conditioning on....which would be in the morning when I get ready for school because my room gets sweltering hot and there's also an ongoing anxiety problem I have with getting ready(another story I will save for later).... her reply, "No... that's not beneficial to me." Evidently she doesn't like to be cold when she sleeps..... But what she doesn't fuckin' take into consideration is the fact that I have to get ready at 8am and I leave at 9am...... she on the other hand doesn't have classes start on those days until 1pm..... so she'd have plenty of time to sleep without the air conditioning after I left...... Whenever I listen to my stereo she always butts in to ask me to turn it down...... this one time when I got a call at 1:30am from a friend on the house phone(which never happens) and she flipped out about it asking me to try and be quieter at night..... she's a fuckin Nazi.... as far as it goes I am the most perfect roommate anyone could ever want but she continues to magnify and overanalyze all these pathetic little irrelevant things.... The worse part about it is that you cannot argue with her..... it's funny because she wants to be a lawyer and work with the public yet she has no interpersonal skills...... she has no friends and told me she's fine with that because she doesn't feel the need to include anybody in her life.... the rest of her lifestyle consists of bossing around and be-littling Jared and talking with her Mom back in Chicago on the phone 5 times a day.... and when her mom doesn't call she becomes even more of a bitch....... Recently she decided that I'm such a bad roommate that I am no longer allowed to use her pots, pans, or anything of hers in the kitchen......... MAN I JUST WANT TO BITE HER FUCKIN HEAD OFF!!!!
Sigh....... Can I just say that this really marks the first time in my life when I just don't know what to do..... there are all kinds of things I am missing out on in the process...... my best friends are taking a 4 day trip to Austin, Texas to have fun down there in the 3rd week of November, one which they're all revved up about...... and yet I can't go...... the thought of me missing out on that (just like I did last year when they went to Wisconsin for Halloween) upsets me more than you know..... I miss out on everything..... I've missed out on so many memories that are associated with college.
God.... I can't afford to take girls out right now..... and theirs 4 different ones that are showing me interest..... but I feel so inadequate with my money problems..... and with my schedule I just don't have the time to be consistent with my phone calls to any of them..... and I get the feeling that they don't believe me when I tell them how hectic my schedule is.......
What's a guy to do? I am overwhelmed, scared, and feeling isolated..... You ever wanted to the know the truth, well there ya go....
|Saturday, October 13th, 2001|
I guess this is just one of those days...... you know those days...... you wake up, but something feels so awkward. Something inside feels so wrong. I really do hate these days. There's practically nothing you can do about them sometimes...... you look around and all you see are things you don't have or something you're not, but want to be....... The only thing you're confident about on these days are that you're inadequate and unfulfilled.... Your world feels like a carboard box sealed tightly with the world's strongest tape..... Everyone else around appears to be having more fun than you, their options seemingly endless...... The worst part about these days is the fact that you can pretty much ruin it for yourself feeling like a pity party...... The phrase "what's the use" runs rampant through your head whenever debating something.....
I just wish there was a switch for days like this..... you know kind of like how people forget to shut the lights off. Well I wish I could just hit a switch and feelings like these turn off..... It makes you think though, what is it that's missing? What do I have that I am overlooking and what don't I have that I shouldn't even care about anyways..... Reminds me of a quote from "Swingers," where one of the guys is giving his friend advice and he says something to the effect of, "You're always concerned with what you don't have." Amazing how things like that can stick out like a sore thumb, yet we overlook positive aspects of our lives....... compliments cause you to blush for a second and criticism causes you to analyze for days.... Kind of fucked up I tell you, how it's so easy to get caught up in the negative completely overlooking the positive.
Ah well..... I am just gonna go lay down on my bed.... try to relax and release....... hmmmm......RELEASE..... such a powerful word, one which I am hoping I genuinely get to experience sometime soon....
|Thursday, October 11th, 2001|
|Can you hear the load falling off my back?
Finally...... done with all my hectic testing. I had two exams today, one in Marketing and one in Social Pyschology. I spend most of the last 3 days cramming for them and I think the end results are going to be good. If they're not, well let's just say I will be completely disappointed.
I must say, all the events going on in the world over the catastrophe that was the World Trade Center Attacks and the Afghanistan air raids have heightened my political and governmental awareness. Recently I have even developed an interest in possible jobs with the CIA or of the political nature. I don't know, I guess a spark has been lit under me. I know more know about national and international affairs than I have ever known in all the previous years of my 22 year existence. I can tell you so much about Afghanistan and its surrounding neighbors such as Uzbekistan, Tanjikistan, Pakistan, Oman, Turkey.....the list goes on and on. I've even done research on my own about all the special task operations forces countries have and which ones they are offering for assistance in defending the world's freedom. I swear if I were taking Political Science classes right now, I'd be a 4.0 student all the way.....
This shouldn't really come as a surprise to me though. I've always been interested in traveling and other cultures. I mean the way I have been speaking with my friends and random people about the recent events makes me want to do it for a living. For instance, today there was a tent on the mall where information for the winter trips to Israel was being passed out. At first I had noticed an Israeli flag and it instantly struck thoughts in my mind about the core of what's going on - the Israeli-Palestian conflict... I began speaking to one of the people there who was from Israel..... It was such a fulfilling conversation. I learned so much about what's going on between those to groups and I guess my Jewish Heritage really helped me to feel a connection with it all....
Alright, gotta jet..... time to go home.... big-time partying 2nite baby...
|Sunday, October 7th, 2001|
|WARNING: Heavily opinionated information
Ok ....so on Friday night I get a call from a girl who likes me who wanted to come hang out. I wasn't really in the mood because I had been deathy sick basically all Tuesday thru Friday morning.....thank the lord for Zithromax though because that antibiotic gets rid of everything! Anyways, she sounded somewhat letdown that I didn't want to hang out, but she said she understood that I was tired and needed my rest(which I did) and I told her I'd call her later. So around 1am'ish I called her to chit chat and she sounded like she was starting to cry and I asked her what was wrong. She wouldn't tell me, but said that she'd call me back later to explain..... I asked if it was guy problems, but she said no and that really she had to go.
So today I talk to her on the phone and she explained to me what happened. For he sake of the story let's just call her 'D'. Evidently after I turned her down to hang out she went and hung out with this drunken slut bag friend of hers at a bar. They were with two guys who were visiting from L.A. who supposedly had these huge connections with the DJ'ing scene. The four of them went ahead and left the bar to go back to the guys's place..... evidently they were acting really fuckin' cocky telling the girl who liked me that she didn't have a clue who they were and that they get there way no matter what. When they get back to the place, they all go and chill upstairs........ the guys decided to get more comfortable by just chilling in their boxers and then one of the guys proceeds to fuck D's drunken slut whore friend right there...... And of course the other guy decides he wants some action to so he forces himself onto D......
In the end both guys fucked 'D' ........ She said that she was scared and didn�t know what to do and that the first guy basically ripped her clothes off and whatever happened after that happened. She ended up at the hospital where the cops, the FBI, and forensics interviewed her and took her to the hospital where she had some tests done and was given the morning after pill.
Hmmmmm��. Now first off�.. I can�t stand the thought of these two fuckin� scumbags pulling this shit�.and with a girl that I like not too mention. But at the same time I sat and thought about the situation from all viewpoints. Now it is not D�s fault in the least if what she says was true�.. but at the same time when she makes comments to me like she doesn�t want to press charges, that she just wants to forget about the whole thing � well that right there makes me question some things. And a few other things strike me as odd too��.. No.1: If she was so damn uncomfortable being upstairs while one of the guys was fucking her slut bag friend right in front of her and the other one was in his boxers obviously having the same thing on his mind, then why didn�t she bolt at the start of the whole scherade? She kinda said that it would�ve been hard to do that because they were upstairs and her purse was on the other side of the room�..
Again�.I want to stop myself before I start to sound like I am pinning this on her cuz I am not�.. but what I don�t understand are certain common sense elements and ironies that I can obviously point out in the events which she detailed to me. Date rape is as hideous of an event as the suicide plane tragedies that went down on Sept. 11 here in the United States. But I think there�s something that needs to be said when it comes to girls and how uncontrollable this scenario is for you. I know that the clubbin� lifestyle is fuckin� dandy and all�� and guys who roll in $80,000 Lexus�s with Gucci suits on are kind of enticing too��� but some of you are totally missing the boat when it comes to judging a person�s character�.. Trust me, I think you ladies look damn sexy in some of those outfits you wear and the sexy walks and body languages you put on for us�. We know you like to know that we�re looking�.. but what you don�t understand is the scumbag factor�� DARK TRUTH: There are scumbags who are looking to take advantage of you and the vibe you�re putting out to them only makes their emphasis that much stronger�� And�.. if you�re in a car and a guy says to you �Do you know who I am?? I always get my way!� and he�s totally serious about it talking down to you as though you�re some little prostitute, then by all means get out the fuckin� car!!!!!!! Or if you�re sitting on the couch completely uncomfortable by the site of two people fucking next to you and another guy making advances while chillin in his boxers, THEN GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE TOO!! Fuck it if your purse is over on the other side of the room��. Just leave it�.. what would you rather see through, your purse or your body? C�mon now��� It�s just a fuckin� purse��
�D� told me that she was kind of scared and didn�t know what to do�..like what if she tried to run and he had a gun around somewhere or something�.. It got me to thinking�.that�s a valid argument�.but you know what, who�s to say that if he had a gun he wouldn�t just shoot her after he raped her??? Ladies�.. kick a man in his fuckin� nutts�.. BAM�.go straight to the jewels�� makes those fuckers black and blue and make him squeel in pain�� bite, scratch, do what you have to do�.. You�re the women of the 2k �..you�re liberated as all hell�you�ve got power�. And you�re supposed to be our equals�� by all means defend yourself���
Ahhhh�. I don�t know�. I am honestly feeling weird about this shit. I mean she wanted to come hang out with me, but when I said no she decided to go hang out with some rich yuppy fucks who live the sweet life with Lexus�s, lotsa cash, and condo�s in Los Angeles�. Her situation quickly turned in an orgy back at their place and it completely alters my previously innocent viewpoint of her. I�ve had sex with her too�� and it just makes me think a lot about all the other times dating back to last year when I told her late at night that I didn�t want her to come over wondering now where she might have gone afterwards���
Again�.it�s not her fault�.. but the dynamics involved in it are creepy when relating it to mine and her�s relationship. And its really sad to think that when this happens, the girl will forever have a huge mental scar.... probably needing years and years to get over the mental and physical anguish of it all.... creating weirdness between her and guys in her life for years to come.....
Fuckin� life�� it�s all just a big fuckin� orgy�� everything in the media is about sex, sex, sex, sex,��.. Everybody has to look as scandalous and tempting as possible��. And the aweful biproduct of it all are those fuckin� scumbags, rape, hookers, strippers, sluts, players...... blah blah blah blah blah�...Forgive us God, for we know not what we do......
|Saturday, October 6th, 2001|
I used the magic "random" button on LJ today to try and find some new/interesting people to read about..... the very first one that came up was extremely striking to me..... if anybody ever wanted to know 100% what if felt like to ever be depressed or suffer from social anxiety disorder then just read this:
"I don't know what to write about my life anymore... my social anxiety is kicking in at the worst moments and i'm feeling paranoid at the worst times. i keep thinking that everyone is staring at me and that everyone thinks i'm weird or unusual or something... i don't know why i feel this way... i'm just insecure and i have very, very, low self-esteem. I've lost my happy, independent view of myself of before and now i'm constantly shaking, wondering what people are thinking about me and everything... i create my own 'conspiricies'... i just feel like i am so much more different than everyone else i meet out there. all i want to do is blend in... perhaps i do, but i don't think i do.... i think everyone's either staring at me or talking about me behind my back. i so don't want to be and think like this but i am simply so self-depricating... why in the heck am i the way i am??? why can't i just be a normal person? I don't know what's going on with my life."
This came from somebody's journal named Haruka........ I can't begin to stress more that this is exactly what it's like to battle through such mental blocks....... Now I'm not in glum mood, in fact I'm feelin' pretty relaxed just listening to some music by 2Pac...... but I couldn't help but want to put that quote into my journal........ It's scary, but that's what its like....
I swear I know the biggest characters here at school...... It's kind of reminiscent of some of the friends I had back in high school because those guys were all class clowns and wannabe stand-up comedians..... Some of the conversations I've had lately with these guys are going down as golden memories in the ol'memory book..... Like my friend Corey.... he's from New Jersey, has the accent, and has the demeanor of a kid from New Jerz..... We talk alot of shit to each other because he's a New York Jets fan and I'm a Miami Dolphin fan..... it's all in good fun, but you'd never catch two fans of those two teams associating with each other out in NY or Miami.... it's a deep deep rivalry..... He is fuckin' hilarious though...... We just got done chattin on instant messenger, check this out:Corey1951:
fuck u Jet Bitch....Corey1951:
u goin to the game tonight?Energizin:
prolly not....a waste of a game...we're gonna get beat down...not to mention its gonna rainCorey1951:
if its close it'll be so fun thoughEnergizin:
well go flock with the masses then you sheep heheheCorey1951:
just kidding bro....people only go to that game just to make cameos...I hate that shitCorey1951:
i wanna see us beat a top 10 teamEnergizin:
not gonna happen.... that's like asking the Jets to keep a team under 200 yards rushingCorey1951:
or asking the dolphins to keep the rams under 50 pointsEnergizin:
actually they only scored 42 Jet bitchCorey1951:
so you're wrong fuckoCorey1951:
come over and watch the 2nd half of the texas gameEnergizin:
you lonely faggot?Corey1951:
go call Dan thenCorey1951:
i hope it doesnt rain what the fuck are we gonna do tonight if it rains....Corey1951:
always so lonelyEnergizin:
Ya its gonna rain fo shizzleCorey1951:
what half is the Texas game in now?Corey1951:
oklahmo up 7-3Corey1951:
what is gay dans number?Corey1951:
I don't think I have it.... I am surprised you don't ....hahahah Gay Dan...that shit is funnyCorey1951:
yea thats his name... i have dans number but his cell isnt onEnergizin:
well then you're fucked...Gay Dan can't come over and keep your ass warm while you watch the second halfCorey1951:
i know you'd be down for thatEnergizin:
its ok u can have dan for yourselCorey1951:
ya right....I see the way you look at him in the pool...you want him to suck you offCorey1951:
some people have the funniest nicknamesCorey1951:
That Eagles guy talks so much shit to danCorey1951:
so funny thoughEnergizin:
I've heard some harrassing before but he bitches Dan all the timeCorey1951:
last week was funny when dan wasnt wearing sleevesEnergizin:
dan is gonna wear a shirt there that says mcnabb is a fucking pussCorey1951:
We should all wear something like thatCorey1951:
we gotta wait till the Eagles play somebody good thoughCorey1951:
yo stoner john just came over to watch the second half if u wanna come over roll byEnergizin:
Gay Dan...Stoner Jon...Corey1951:
alright dude...maybe I will stop byCorey1951:
those are names we have had since last year in the nadoCorey1951:
still its so funnyCorey1951:
He has the funniest nicknames ever for his friends....... Note: I have nothing against homosexuals, our joking is in good nature and not meant to offend anybody...... but seriously...... Gay Dan.... Stoner John..... how funny is it that some of our friends have those as nicknames?? Hell I've got another friend who's nickname is Drugs....and nobody ever calls him by his real name, just Drugs...... And for all you x-rated thinkers there's this guy Chris..... he's like 6'8 and last year a dirty slut friend of Corey's tried to have sex with him.... but it wasn't to be....Let's just say she couldn't fit it in..... so from then on everyone called him Girth...... Hahahhaahahah shit is just too fuckin' funny.....
|This is in regards...
Welp this short post is in regards to the hacking of my livejournal account.... A few of you saw some random ass posting about some nasty gay shiznit....but do not worry, I did not put it there.... You see there's a group of internet lover's who belong to this underground society called MKDomain... They are a bunch of punk ass little high school kids who masterbate to all the carnage they cause online... it's their only joy in life.... and they've set off on this crusade to prove to the world that I am this girl Michelle's biggest fan boy..... so they go and waste their time with little 5 year-old hacker tactics...
Lain..... Talbin..... Noob.... I know you guys were all involved..... It's all good though..... Suck a fat dick and keep on hating .... Just more pussy shit you guys pull from behind your computer screens...
|Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001|
Ok here's an excerpt from this site Askmen.com that I read from time to time....
"Contrary to the way you and many other men have been brainwashed, love is not complicated. When a woman likes you, she goes out with you -- period. There are no conditions, curve balls, no need for her to call back -- and most of all, there are no unpleasant surprises. Consistency is the MO of a woman with a good attitude and high Interest Level. Sadly, Trevor, the only thing your woman is consistent with is her excuses."
Ok the guy who wrote that goes by the name of Doc Love...he's Askmen.com's resident adviser on men and their dating adventures..... his theory is that women have this set of interest levels.... If a woman's interest is high in a man, she will be extremely receptive.... if her interest level is low, then you have no shot.... but what he fails to include in the equation are mind frames or mental hangups.... like a girl who's timid with guys because of a really bad past relationship or a girl who's just extremely cautious with guys in general..... Is it just me or doesn't some of those things play into how receptive a girl is with a guy? Doc Love says that if a girl meets a guy who's just does it for her, she will drop her guard and help get things rolling...
I don't know.... I've known girls in my time who are extremely interested but do not act receptive because of various things like I was mentioning before..... Is it really that cut and dry when it comes to dating???? I've never known it to be that simplistic....there's always some sort of mental hangup a girl has which prevents things from workin out right away.....
Here's the link to the article... http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/23_doc_love.html
|Can I just tell you....
Can I just tell you that I am one agitated little bastard right now.... Stupid Jefferson Star Ranch and their stupid internet connection.... so much for high speed access, it never fuckin' works. And then when I confront them in the office they give me some bullshit excuse about when its going to get taken care of. Don't they understand that I am a college student and I need my damn internet?!?!?!? ...... Oh and looking back on it how stupid of me it was to throw my modem out.... I was thinking it was out of date and that I didn't need it knowing for the next 3 years I was gonna have a T1 connection and a network card...... ARRRGGHHH!! Seriously I have two webpages to do for two small businesses called La Di Da and Optical Image... it's part of the leadership program which I am taking in the Retail & Consumer Sciences department.... I have no time for delays.... And all my Business Writing shit is online too...... Double ARRRGGGGGHHHH!
I think maybe I need to go and get a physical and have my health checked out..... I feel like I am all over the charts these days. On some occasions I am feelin' great, but then all of the sudden I start to get muscles aches and a slight fever. Tell ya what, my health has never been the same since my Mono incident about 3 years ago...... They say your immune system never fully recovers..... I think I believe them.... and to add insult to injury I've always have Valley Fever.... for those who don't know, Valley Fever is this shit that develops insides your lungs which causes you to get sick easier and be all flemmed up during the breezy desert seasons here in AZ.... it's such a bitch and from what I recall it's not something that can be cured.... you have to just live with it....so many people in the Southwest have it.... thank god its not a contagious person-to-person thing... you just get it from breathing in all that dusty air.....
|Monday, October 1st, 2001|
Hmmmmm..... so I just got back from roaming around the local areas near my University trying to find a bar to promote. Some friends and I decided that Wednesdays and Fridays are wack here ...... we have so many friends and aquaintences that we could easily turn a bar into a hot spot..... Take for example this new place people go to on Saturdays called "Two Micks." During the week and most of the weekend its normally a restaurant called La Cocina, but two college grads had an idea to turn it into a bar one night only(that night being Sat. night)....... Two weeks ago they pulled a little over 400 people there which is a gigantic night in terms of the bar scene here...... and then this past Sat. they pulled 712 people.... mind you that at $5/person for cover, they stacked up around $3560 just from cover alone....and the way we figured it, the average person that night spent anywhere between $12 - $20 at the bar on drinks.... can you just imagine the killing they made?
I'm so jealous of those guys....there place is perfect..... it has three Cabanas (each in a different wing of the place) ...one's a bar, one's the dancing room, and the last one is yet another bar room...... then in the middle of all of it is this really chill courtyard fresh with patio furniture to sit on and chill...... it's like being at a spring break location..... Not too mention its located right on the outskirts of downtown Tucson and so concealed that I don't think the cops are going to know about it for at least a month or two..... man.... what bastards heheheheeh.....
I don't think that some of the managers we spoke to today took us that seriously....... this one place we went to called "Rusty's" could be a friggin' gold mine, but you could see in the guy's eyes that he wasn't going to trust a trio of young college students.... man it was so frustrating..... I think the guy would be foolish to pass up the kind of business my friends and I could get him....... All bullshit aside, myself and the 3 other guys in my production crew know a good thousand people combined to try and get in a bar...... Everybody from whole frats & sororities to the rest of the bar hoppers, we know who's who ...... and exactly what they want is exactly what they can get them...... I really hope one of these places takes a chance on us....
Other than that yesterday was a bummer......my beloved Miami Dolphins got SHELACKED on national television by the St. Louis Rams ...... it was a slaughter ..... Man I hate being such a diehard because it totally ruined my day and I get to sit and think about it all week...... It was funny sitting in the bar though because my pal Corey started talking about how much we take our teams to heart..... Like back in the day "your momma" jokes used to be big No-No's and would cause instant fights if you bad mouthed anybody elses madre.... Same can be applied to a man and his football team..... talk about another dude's team and your askin' for big big trouble....
That kind of reminds me of the time when I was I think 11 years old and I went with my father and his friend Tony to a bar called "The Dirty Drummer." It was a place where a shitload of Cleveland Browns fans gathered to watch the Browns on football Sundays..... well this particular game we were watchin was the Browns vs. the Oilers and some Oilers fans showed up dressed in Oiler's uniforms and waving their Oiler flags.....they were beligerently drunk and talking shit to all the Browns fans when all of the sudden my dad's friend Tony throws a punch at one of them..... a rawkus errupted after that...... I was sitting with the biggest "Whoa" look on my face...... crazy shit for an 11 year old to watch......
|Saturday, September 29th, 2001|
Ok back in high school ('93-'97) music was starting to become a huge force in my life.... around that time gangsta rap started to become popular with the release albums like Dr. Dre's "The Chronic", Snoop's "Doggystyle", Warren G's "G-Funk Era", and 2Pac's "All Eyes on Me"........ personally, I thought the music was fun as hell.... I wasn't one of those who took it too far with trying to dress like and emulating those so-called bangers from Compton, Watts, the LBC, etc. etc...... Nah.... I just remember being at house parties and somebody would turn on "Dre Day", "Regulate", or "Gin & Juice" and people would be like "Oh hell ya" and it would pump up the vibe at the party..... everybody rappin' along to the lyrics ...... I know it sounds stupid and all, young little white preppy kid like me sitting there flowing with the song but regardless it was fun...... there was just this huge association with music coming out of the west coast......
Hell I remember I ditched lunch at school just to wait in 2 hour line at Best Buy to get 2Pac's "All Eyez on Me" ........ man.... I had a nice system back in the day and I remember bumping all the songs on the way to parties and such..... pure memories..... we'd listen to 2Pac's album front to back all night long..... Again, I was not a gangsta but there was just this feelin' involved in throwing up a stupid "westside" sign with your hands in the air...... When I was in Mazatlan, Mexico for spring break last year the DJ started to play all these west coast songs and myself and my boys from Los Angeles were all going crazy....felt like being in high school again....throwin up westsides just for the fun of it..... and the rest of the people aroung had no clue what that was all about.....alot of them were from Minnesota, Wisconsin, and some other midwest and eastern states...... but we didn't care..... the music made me feel like a young kid in high school again...... the rest of them couldn't associate because they didn't grow up with that particular music.
I don't know.... I just had the urge to write about this after putting together a "West coast" rap mix that I get ready to sometimes..... You wouldn't even be able to imagine all the memories I get from just hearing these songs....... Some people took the image gangsta rap was putting out way too seriously.... I acknowledged the music for its fun content not that I wanted to go bust some caps in people's asses....
Cox@Home digital cable is really really really really pissing me off right now..... it's only working in 15 minute spurts right now... WTF?? I swear JPI (the group that owns our apartment complex) are the cheapest bastards ever..... They need more routers and servers to be able to manage all the students internet access here..... but of course they won't do that because they're cheap fucks..... I hate it because there's alot of stuff I am trying to finish this afternoon and with the internet acting up I can't get it done....
My buddy Matt tipped me off to a new band called Handsome Devil..... check'em out.... I'm going to buy their CD today actually...
Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmmm Mmmmmmm........ Man I love Macaroni Grill food..... I'm just sitting here eating my leftovers from last night.... while maybe not quite as fresh, it still tastes great...... La ciba Buonissima! I highly recommend the "Sole" ... Now I am not a big fish guy (usually all I can stand is tuna fish) but this shiznit is good..... oh and the melted butter that comes on top of the breaded fish patty makes it taste all that much better..... Usually they give your 3 or 4 patties which is why I have so much leftover.... Not to mention I got me some of their bread to go..... YUMMY!!!
|Wednesday, September 26th, 2001|
|I'm about to pass the fuck out...
I swear I am absolutely wiped out right now.....no energy left in the reserve tanks... I've been sitting here in a computer lab at school for the last hour trying to study PowerPoint slides for my Advertising & Promotions class and I've almost nodded off like 3 or 4 times. Doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I'm always so worn out. Thank God I'm not going to the gym tonight..... To think I have to start fasting as soon as the sun goes down all the way until tomorrow night..... It's Yom Kippur, the day of Atonement in the Jewish faith, and I must follow through with it...otherwise I will feel like a creep...
Other than that, you want to hear something really fuckin stupid? There's this girl Bree who I've hung out with a couple of times recently. She's been the greatest girl so far, always up front with me being very blunt and respectfully honest. BUT, recently her friends told her that she's calling me too much and that it might make her appear psycho to me....and she told me that they instructed her to make me do more of the chasing.... so now she's being a dickhead about calling me back and today at lunch she basically gave me this weird vibe as though she was served a gag order by her circle of friends....so I told her I'd let her get back to doing what they were doing and walked away. WHAT THE FUCK!!!????!!!???!! Seriously, I was just starting to develop a bigtime interest like there was a huge possibility she could be the kind of girl I could really get to know. She was being so perfect and I really felt relieved that she was so honest with me..... and now this bullshit..... WTF is wrong with you girls?? She said that she didn't like games at all and that she likes being honest with me, yet now she's quick to let her friends give her bad advice..... Personally I think girls who fail at a countless number of relationships should stop advising their friends when it comes to dating.... It's like listening to a hooker trying to give advice on monogamy <------- Get the fuck outta here with that crap!
Uh oh...starting to nod off again.....
|Tuesday, September 25th, 2001|
Sometimes I get so disgusted with society that I want to choke every person walking by...... Evidently there was a show aired recently titled "Who Wants to be a Princess"........ for God sakes c'mon now....enough of this crap already...... is this really how petty our society is getting..... I was watching Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" and they were ripping that show apart. They showed this one clip of a girl who started crying while she was giving her personal speech to the mystery prince and she made some comment like, "I would be honored, I'd love to go on a date with you in Europe." No shit, really????? And to think we get to endure more tasteless bullshit like this with shows like Temptation Island 2 and The Love Boat...... I don't know if anybody else has seen the commercials for the boat one, but that one looks to be the most tasteless real-life show ever...... and to think they call it reality tv......
I don't know, maybe its just me..... but I despise all that shit to the millionth degree..... Take for example that Love Boat show...its a bunch of people who are supposed to find their true loves on a cruise, but yet they get to sleep with whoever they want to, act like a complete bitch to whoever they want to, and to sabotage anybody's relationships on the boat they want to..... hmmmm does all this add up to equal true love???? Let's see ........ Nymphomania + Bitch + Sabotage = Love...... right..... Looks like all these reality shows have just the answers to questions we've been so desperately trying to solve..... the producers of those shows should be taken out and shot at point blank range..... No wonder the majority of people in our society are so fucked up and bent on materialistic bullshit..... these shows are warping their minds.....
|Monday, September 24th, 2001|
Well Jamiroquai managed to slip a new album by me..... I was messing around on AudioGalaxy and decided to look up some songs and low and behold there was Jamiroquai "Funk Odyssey 2001" ..... Jay Kay is extremely underrated as an artist in the music industry..... His funk and disco-retro sound always puts me in a good mood..... exactly the type of album I would put out if I were ever to go in the funk direction...... The lead track, "Little L" ..... is pure Jamiroquai material.....
Soon as Erick Sermon drops his album on Oct. 23rd I am going to be a very, very happy man......... Not too mention I have to pick up that new Incubus album...... sheesh.... so many albums, so little money hehehehe...
|Sunday, September 23rd, 2001|
All I have to say is I will never forget the weekend I just had...... if there was ever a moment(s) in time I wish I could live and keep on re-living it would be all that occured Thursday night through this afternoon. This marks the absolute best time I have ever had down here at school and ranks neck and neck with my time in New Orleans for Mardis Gras....... Man..... I don't know what else to say..... it just felt so fuckin' great. I guess I will talk about what went on a little bit later.... I'm just gonna sit here with this giant grin on my face for a little bit longer.
And to finish off a great weekend with a great ending, my man Jay Fiedler leading my Miami Dolphins to yet another big win over a Super Bowl calibur team.
|Wednesday, September 19th, 2001|
Since my last entry was about me breaking out and doing crazy things, I wanted to rehash on a time when I actually did just that..... it was a maturing experience for me..... a night I decided I didn't care what people though I was just gonna be one wild and crazy guy......
I RODE ONE OF THESE BARE ASS NAKED!! That's right I said naked folks.....The night occured during Spring Break 2000 in Mazatlan...... We were at this bar called El Toro Bravo and my buddies and I were having a great time drinking and dancing..... the bar had this mechanical bull ride and they were starting to get it going..... I was one of the first to go and my friends dare me to go on it in my boxers..... so I said sure why the hell not??? It was fun, they got a good laugh out of it..... then all of the sudden they start joking to these girls about how I was gonna go on it naked the next time up..... they believed the bullshit my friends were giving them and the next thing you know, the girls are encouraging me to go on there naked..... Man were they adamant..... heheh they really wanted to see me hang on to a mechanical bull for dear life with absolutely no clothes on....... balls and shaft swingin' round..... my bare ass moonin' the crowd......... So I did.... heheh I was hella embarrassed for the first few moments, but next thing you know all the ladies were cheerin' me on..... heheh then all of the sudden the bull operator kicked up the juice and that thing started flingin' me around like a red-headed step-child. So I go flying off this bull and onto the padded floor and immediately get up and throw my hands up in the air like a champ and proceed to jog over to my clothes ..... heheheheh my friends were getting such a kick out of it..... they were all "You're the man" and "I can't believe you actually did that!"....... and as I was going to grab my shoes, I noticed a whole shitload of money sitting in them...... like around 360 pesos (which is the equivalent to $40 U.S.) A bunch of the girls decided to tip me for the show I put on for them heheheheh ...... oh man..... I wish I could display that random bravado and dare devilness all the time..... it felt like such a release to do something that crazy.
|Tuesday, September 18th, 2001|
Alright..... I don't mean to be grotesque here...... but one of the worst things in the world ever is when you're at school on campus and you have to take a dump...... seriously..... I am one of those people who will avoid doing it at any cost..... TUCK.....Just imagining myself sitting on one of those toilets anywhere on campus... no way Jose.... my bare ass will not be touching a toilet touched by a thousand other asses....uh uh...... hehehe its funny because I have always had classes over in the RCS building and each time I go to use the restroom, there's somebody takin' a shit..... heheh its too funny.... and I swear its every time..... I definately don't want to be that guy hehehe....
Ooooh yet another song idea popped into my head...... here's some of it so far......
I've never gotten along with immaturity
Yet sometimes I just want to release and be free
I wanna hook up with a girl and never call her back
I wanna knock somebody upside the head and have'em hit me back
There's this continuous battle in my mind
With the better person winning out every tmie
Inner voice tellin' me don't, that's not right
What's not right is trying to sleep with a restless mind at night
Constantly wonderin' what coulda been or what might be
It's like my mind is playin' tricks on me
Now I'm not saying a bad boy's a role model for life
But sometimes I just want to act without needing so much insight.
I guess those words just come from the fact that alot of times in my life (actually 99.9% of it) I have acted as the "better person." Sometimes I talk bad about people doing this or that...... yetI'm being honest when I say there's this other etch in my mind that is exactly opposite and wants just a taste of it..... Anyone else feelin' me on this?